Monday, February 28, 2011

The Unicorn, the Bathroom Plaque, and Earth Haters -- my mouse may make a cameo -- Updated version

Greetings, Evildoers.

Another cannibalized post.

A friend (who shall remain nameless--because I don't know that she wouldn't be embarrassed by this) gave me a notebook the other day. But it wasn't just any ordinary, boring, school notebook. No. It had a piece of pink construction paper taped on the front. And a pretty picture of a Unicorn dancing with birds before a rainbow taped to that. And it was to be my diary.

Go figure. She's a weirdo.

First, I have to ask if it is usual to find girl who is comfortable giving their heterosexual, male friend who they are not in a relationship with a pink, unicorn diary? I dunno. If that's the norm, someone forgot to mention it to me. :\ Oh well.

Second, I have to note that they wrote my first entry for me. For the first time I can look at someone and not have to scream (in an ever-so-girly scream) "You read my diary!" because, instead, I will be screaming (like a man) "You WROTE my diary!" Okay... I take that back. No sentence can be said "like a man" if it contains the phrase "my diary."

(For the record... I am not making fun of the gift because I don't like it. I actually do. -- Yes... I am a Geek. I'm allowed to like pink unicorn diaries and still be straight. :P So there! Of course they do have to be made out of school notebooks and be given as a joke more than anything else... otherwise it's totally awkward. :\ But, still!)

The mouse I'm using really sucks. I'm gonna steal the other computer's mouse when I'm done with this. I'll steal it away during the night, while the ugly ones sleep... bwuahahhahaa...

UPDATE: Since the original posting of this... post, we have bought a new mouse. All is well in the world. END UPDATE.

So I was at the Writer's Corner in Ark City listening to people read when I decided to go to the bathroom. The mouse on this computer sucks. Anyway, in the men's room there was a fancy, new urinal with a plaque above it. Since when do toilets get plaques, right? So I had to read it. It said something along the lines of "When you use this [forgotten toilet brand name] eco-friendly hands-free urinal you are blah blah blah saving 40,000 gallons of water per urinal, per year."

Doesn't it just make you all fuzzy inside that the guys at [forgotten toilet brand name] fix up their eco-friendly hands-free urinals so that when you pee, you're not just peeing... you're saving the World!

I decided to go check out the stall. In the stall was an old-fashion actually-have-to-flush-with-a-lever toilet. Obviously not made by the guys at [forgotten toilet brand name]. There was no plaque in the stall, but there might as well have been. It practically said:

"Earth Haters, Shit Here."

"The greatest thing about America is that we are not judged by what we are, but by who we can schmooze." ~Aubry Anne Carechild

Sunday, February 27, 2011

LEGOs, the 20's, Venti, and Zombies

Greetings, Evildoers.

You may recognize most of this post... I'm cannibalizing my facebook notes here for the benefit of anyone who may read this and not have a facebook. (I know, you're thinking that there's only twelve people left on Earth who don't have a facebook, and they're mostly too sophisticated to read my garbage. You're probably right, but a man can dream, right? Besides--it's not like I was going to put anything else here.)

So the girls were getting ready to go to the store today, and then Maria looked at me and said "You wanna come?" So I looked back at her and said "Do you want me to come?" And she said "Yes."

This is how I came to be "shopping" with my sisters and mother.

Anyway... Where was I? Oh, yeah... questioning my manhood.

It was implied (actually stated rather bluntly) that I must not be a real man since I don't mind "browsing" at the store. Hell, it's Wal-Mart! I went to the toy section and bought me some LEGOs! That makes me manly, doesn't it???

Don't answer that.

Right. LEGOs are awesome though. I'm a collector, but poor. So my collection grows slowly... and cheaply. :) But, still, it's there. I have been planning for a while to make one of those LEGO comic strips that you see online occasionally. (If you don't know what I'm talking about google "Legostar Galactica" -- but be warned, his jokes can be adult themed... and don't look at the fan art. Okay, I'm making it sound like I read a nasty comic, aren't I? No, the comics are made out of LEGOs, so they can't get too nasty. Duh. But he can make crude jokes, and... don't look at the fan art.) Anyway--back to my CLEAN LEGO comic strip...

I haven't made it yet. But I have lots of LEGOs and LEGO men. And I'm simply hilarious!!!! :D (Okay, so I'm not. Who cares? I can pretend I am. :P Jerk.)

Speaking of the twenties...

In the world of fashion we've seen the 80's come and go... and come back again. We've seen the mistakes of the sixties be killed off and then peek out their heads, and we've even seen the 70's fight to return. But... the 20's?

I kid you not. They're selling suffragette hats at Target. :O I mean like... have you watched movies from a billion years ago when they first started putting sound on them? Yeah. Those hats. They're back. If it wasn't cool, I'd be appalled. :)

VENTI! Just bring this up to say I got a venti vanilla latte with whipped cream. It was awesome. :) Mmmm...

And, finally... the part we've all been waiting for! ZOMBIES!!!!

I said, quite loudly, that the light fog with the street lights and lots of open space and... ahh... I said it was perfect zombie weather. And my family looked at me like I was a chicken in a man suit.

Seriously, they threatened to stop going anywhere with me again. :( Just cuz I'm a walking-dead meteorologist doesn't mean I'm ALWAYS socially awkward. I'm always socially awkward because I'm a geek.

Totally unrelated. :P