Monday, February 28, 2011

The Unicorn, the Bathroom Plaque, and Earth Haters -- my mouse may make a cameo -- Updated version

Greetings, Evildoers.

Another cannibalized post.

A friend (who shall remain nameless--because I don't know that she wouldn't be embarrassed by this) gave me a notebook the other day. But it wasn't just any ordinary, boring, school notebook. No. It had a piece of pink construction paper taped on the front. And a pretty picture of a Unicorn dancing with birds before a rainbow taped to that. And it was to be my diary.

Go figure. She's a weirdo.

First, I have to ask if it is usual to find girl who is comfortable giving their heterosexual, male friend who they are not in a relationship with a pink, unicorn diary? I dunno. If that's the norm, someone forgot to mention it to me. :\ Oh well.

Second, I have to note that they wrote my first entry for me. For the first time I can look at someone and not have to scream (in an ever-so-girly scream) "You read my diary!" because, instead, I will be screaming (like a man) "You WROTE my diary!" Okay... I take that back. No sentence can be said "like a man" if it contains the phrase "my diary."

(For the record... I am not making fun of the gift because I don't like it. I actually do. -- Yes... I am a Geek. I'm allowed to like pink unicorn diaries and still be straight. :P So there! Of course they do have to be made out of school notebooks and be given as a joke more than anything else... otherwise it's totally awkward. :\ But, still!)

The mouse I'm using really sucks. I'm gonna steal the other computer's mouse when I'm done with this. I'll steal it away during the night, while the ugly ones sleep... bwuahahhahaa...

UPDATE: Since the original posting of this... post, we have bought a new mouse. All is well in the world. END UPDATE.

So I was at the Writer's Corner in Ark City listening to people read when I decided to go to the bathroom. The mouse on this computer sucks. Anyway, in the men's room there was a fancy, new urinal with a plaque above it. Since when do toilets get plaques, right? So I had to read it. It said something along the lines of "When you use this [forgotten toilet brand name] eco-friendly hands-free urinal you are blah blah blah saving 40,000 gallons of water per urinal, per year."

Doesn't it just make you all fuzzy inside that the guys at [forgotten toilet brand name] fix up their eco-friendly hands-free urinals so that when you pee, you're not just peeing... you're saving the World!

I decided to go check out the stall. In the stall was an old-fashion actually-have-to-flush-with-a-lever toilet. Obviously not made by the guys at [forgotten toilet brand name]. There was no plaque in the stall, but there might as well have been. It practically said:

"Earth Haters, Shit Here."

"The greatest thing about America is that we are not judged by what we are, but by who we can schmooze." ~Aubry Anne Carechild

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